A Gift for Someone Special

Can't sleep, so I figured I'd get up and grade. My heart is troubled and I'm wishing I had done something else with my life other than teaching—at least in part. I have only ever wanted to teach, but more and more the joy of it is dissipating. Inevitably, someone is unhappy with our choices, dismayed by our supposed lack of judgement, and distraught over our expectations. I suppose that happens in any line of work, but when you work so hard to provide the best for students and people shoot down your efforts while hiding behind the statements of "teachers aren't paid enough, and I support teachers," you begin to wonder if it is all worth it. When will we feel the support we supposedly have from parents?

The journal has accepted my revisions and my paper will be published in the summer edition of The Explicator. I am really rather excited by this because I've always wanted to be "officially" published. I am most proud of the fact that it is a scholarly work. I've wanted to publish children's books and young adult novels before, but it's not really my bag. I"m more of a creative non-fiction writer. Funny thing is that I didn't discover that until last summer when I was taking some creative writing courses. I never really had a label for the types of works that I write until I had taken those two courses. In fact the whole reason I started blogging was because of my creative writing class.

On a different note, I am finally beginning to relax a bit. I took a trip to Kingman to see my dad for Father's Day and now I'm in Payson at my mother-in-law's. I'm sitting on the lounge chair she bought just for me and enjoying the cooler mountain air. Birds are chirping and I can hear my mother-in-law in the kitchen getting the turkey ready for baking. It's very peaceful. I've been reading a few magazines that I love: Artful Blogging and Somerset Life. They are beautiful to look at inspiring to read. I highly recommend them to anyone who enjoys arts and crafts.

At home, things are shaping up. I've been through nearly each room in the house, organizing and reordering, throwing away and recycling. It's quite wonderful actually. It is refreshing to clean up and clear out. We are going to have our last two carpeted rooms stripped of carpet and the concrete acid stained. I can't wait to get rid of those disgusting carpets. My daughter's room and the office (which is now my craft room) will be free from the pee stained, hair infested, stain covered, nasty carpet. I plan to redesign my craft space and I'm looking forward to getting home and back to it. I've had a few days off now and I'm ready to get back to work on my house. I only have about 6 more days to put everything in order. I have to pack up the two rooms, remove everything from both rooms, clear out my bedroom as well (so the floor can be resealed when they come to stain the other two floors) and pack for New York. Maddie and I are going to stay on my brother's farm for a whole month. My husband is coming too, but only for a few weeks. We are going to go meet his publisher and his agent. Plus we get to see a Broadway show. I've never been, so I'm looking forward to the new experience. The show is inspired by Green Day and is called "An American Idiot." Should be fun.

I'm glad that school is out and now I can focus on my home. There is so much that needs to be done around the house; everything had to be put on hold while I finished up the school year. Anyone who teaches English can relate to what I'm talking about, I'm sure. I truly feel that I gave this school year all that I had. I'm not sure what drives me to do what I do. I love my kids and I love to teach, but I think it's more than that. My husband told me today that I need to learn how to relax. I was telling him that I wish I felt more ambitious today (the first day off from school) and he told me, "You don't need to be ambitious; you need to learn to relax." I suppose he is right. I feel like such a slug if I relax. Perhaps I just don't know how to do it. I feel as if I always need to be gainfully employed in something. It doesn't so much matter what it is, but I have to feel like I've accomplished something worthy of accomplishing. Whether that something be cleaning the pet hair off the floor, pulling weeds, learning something new from a TV program—I'm rather fond of HGTV—or hanging out with a friend, I have to be doing something worthwhile. I rarely just sit and do nothing. Even now, I'm sitting, but I'm blogging. In a few moments, I'll be heading to Coolidge to hang out with some of my husband's friends, and you know what I've packed to bring with me? —a paper that I wrote for my Grad. Research class because a journal wants to publish it and it needs revisions. I'm compelled to make the revisions quickly, even though I told the editor I needed more time than just this week. I have to finish it or I won't really relax; however, perhaps I don't even know how to relax, so what does it matter?

I miss Dad.  My father-in-law passed away last week and yesterday we had the funeral to say goodbye.  It was an emotional day. I'm so proud of my husband.  His speech was warm, humorous, and heartbreaking, but most of all true.  Stories were shared, Taps was played, and the honor guard fired three shots in honor of Dad's service to his country. After respectfully giving their condolences to Mom and granting her the Flag signifying their appreciation for Dad's service in the Navy, they escorted her out of the room.  Lining up to say to say thanks to everyone for coming, all I could think about was his smile and how I would never see it again—at least not in this life—his smile and the twinkle in his eyes.  I miss Dad.